I used to shy away from conflicts, so much so, I think this is why I devote my time in helping people resolve their conflicts. Conflict hit me hard in the face when my boys were in their toddler years. Peace and harmony between them and in the home seemed far fetched. I’ve always had a huge desire to stay connected with my kids. I was lost at how to do this. Somewhere in this journey of parenting, I’ve discovered Nonviolent Communication, a.k.a. Compassionate Communication.
Violence in our communication may sound like criticism, shame, or blame. So Nonviolent Communication is finding ways to express which does not criticize, does not shame, and does not blame. I like the term Compassionate Communication more because it is all about getting to the place of compassion for yourself and for others. Even in the midst of conflict, when we arrive at this place of compassion, the whole dynamic shifts from being in conflict to being in connection. This is what I want more of in my life: connection. Connection to those I come in contact with regardless of whether they are a stranger or a loved one, and connection to all the experiences in my every day life.
So I practice and cultivate the skills needed to have more of this connection in my life. What I’ve learned is to listen by:
I’ve also learned to speak by*:
*The steps described are embodied in Nonviolent Communication (aka Compassionate Communication). It is Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg’s life work. This consciousness is described in his book “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life.”